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LYRICS
This is where the lyrics to
various Instone’s Belly songs can be found in all their surreal glory! Details
of who wrote them are given after the song title.
Don't be shy! Now that you can
sing along with your favourite Belly classics at home, we recommend letting rip
at maximum volume!
Clicking on one of the titles
listed below will take you straight to the appropriate lyric.
PLASTIC BAGS, PLEASE THE PURPLE CAT, "POO" SAID THE KING, BORROWED WORM, PINK CHIN, PETER'S PONY, NEW STAMPS AND COINS, THE PAPER CLIP, I CAN CHEESY SPANNER, VENUS (BLASPHEMY AND ONIONS), HAMSTERS IN STEREO, MARK SHAW'S PANTS
Music by Adrian Parker / Paul Mansfield
Lyrics by Adrian Parker
This is the sad, sad story of a
girl who shot to fame,
When, at the age of one, her mother put her on a climbing frame,
She hadn't learnt to speak, so she couldn't plead or beg,
Instead, she jumped right off, hit the ground and broke her leg.
Chorus:
Those plastic bags (plastic bags, plastic bags),
Those plastic bags (plastic bags, plastic bags),
Those plastic bags (plastic bags, plastic bags),
On her feet were plastic bags.
The other girls wore trendy clothes, whether it was cold or warm,
But this little girl was forced to wear a home made uniform,
But she was proud of her outfit, she didn't care if it was made of rags,
And if it snowed, instead of boots, on her feet were plastic bags.
Repeat chorus
The fancy dress competition winner wore a costume cheap and flimsy,
The little girl won nothing despite being dressed up as a chimney,
So she went away on holiday but the teachers didn't care,
On her return, her ears were burnt and sellotaped to her hair.
Repeat chorus
Music by Adrian Parker / Paul Mansfield
Lyrics by Toaster Smith
It's funny how your mind can play
tricks on you,
But this is my story and it's completely true.
I have a cat called Please and he's a great cat,
He likes a bit of cheese, nothing wrong with that.
Chorus:
Look at me, boys and girls,
I have a purple cat that smells,
He's Please, the purple cat who smells.
But one day he was feeling particularly virile,
So instead of some cheese, he ate a whole squirrel.
Immediately, he turned purple (a very bright shade indeed),
And on that day, Please the purple cat was made.
Repeat chorus
But the squirrel also left its mark in the shape of a smell,
Which can only be described as indescribe-a-bubble,
It's funny how your mind can play tricks on you,
But this is my story and it's completely true.
Repeat chorus
Music by Adrian Parker / Paul
Mansfield
Lyrics by Adrian Parker
Inspired by the cartoon genius of Mr Toaster Smith
"Poo" said the king,
"Poo" said the king, "Poo" said the king,
Poo!
"Poo" said the king, "Pants" replied the prince,
Who bit into a German turnip and hasn't been seen since,
"Whatever shall we do?" asked the royal munchkin crew,
This is really something new, the king clearly said "Poo",
Such worries and such strife for the crew could plainly see,
That if the king said "Poo" he might very soon say "Wee",
Such worries and such strife for the crew could plainly see,
That if the king said "Poo" he might very soon say "Wee".
"Poo" said the king and the chambermaid wet her pants,
The king was very pleased so he fertilised the ants,
The queen? Well, she joined in and so did all the staff,
The queen mother disapproved but the princess had to laugh,
The courtiers were concerned, their brains were clearly vexed,
The king had now said "Poo", so what might he say next?
The courtiers were concerned, their brains were clearly vexed,
The king had now said "Poo", so what might he say next?
"Poo" said the king, "Poo" said the king, "Poo"
said the king,
Poo!
"Poo" said the king when he saw the crowds outside,
He climbed upon his horse and set out for a ride,
But the peasant mob was furious, they really were angry,
Their leader climbed upon a pony, his name was Peter Andre,
He chased the king for miles, who didn't know what to do,
So he stopped his horse, took off his crown and simply exclaimed
"Poo!"
He chased the king for miles, who didn't know what to do,
So he stopped his horse, took off his crown and simply exclaimed
"Poo!"
Music by Adrian Parker / Paul Mansfield
Lyrics by Toaster Smith
Let me tell you a little story,
I have a borrowed worm,
He hangs out in the communal garden,
Playing hide and seek.
He is wormy brown,
And he eats mud and Jaffa Cakes,
Mud and Jaffa Cakes,
Mud and Jaffa Cakes,
Oh yeah.
Chorus:
Borrowed worm, borrowed worm,
Borrowed worm, borrowed worm,
Borrowed worm, borrowed worm,
I love my borrowed worm.
Borrowed worm is my best friend,
But I'm sad he's only borrowed.
I don't know what I'll do when he's gone,
When he's gone,
I've played with other worms,
But they're just not the same,
They're just not the same as my borrowed worm,
Borrowed worm, borrowed worm.
Repeat chorus
Music by Adrian Parker / Paul Mansfield
Lyrics by Toaster Smith / Adrian Parker
During the past few weeks,
I've been looking a bit weird,
'Cos on my chin and cheeks,
I have grown a little beard.
But my face fuzz caused an itch,
A decision had to be made,
I had to make a switch,
This stubble would have to be shaved.
Chorus:
Pink, pink chin, pink chin
I've got a pink, pink chin
I've got a pink chin
I've been getting strange looks,
Old people think I'm scary,
Children run away,
Screaming 'cos I'm hairy.
With my goatee on,
Some say I looked like Brad Pitt,
But they were lying to me,
'Cos I looked like a right twit.
Repeat chorus
My chin is pink,
'Cos in the sink,
Is my goatee,
Floaty, floaty
I guess you learn each day,
As time swiftly passes,
You should never trust a man,
With beard and glasses.
Repeat Chorus
Music by Adrian Parker / Paul Mansfield
Lyrics by Toaster Smith / Adrian Parker
Peter Andre took off on his pony,
Riding as fast as the wind,
He fell off onto the ground all stony,
"Forgive me," he said, "I have sinned".
Chorus:
Peter's Pony (waa waa),
Peter's Pony (waa waa),
Peter's Pony (waa waa),
Peter's Pony, as fast as the wind
The pony was shocked at what he heard,
But turned the other cheek,
Andre got scared and landed a turd,
Well, at least he didn't have a leak.
Repeat chorus
Peter Andre got back on his pony,
Riding as fast as the wind,
He bruised his butt 'cos it was too bony,
But still he laughed and grinned,
Ha! Ha!
Repeat chorus
The pony was tired after galloping,
In the stables nature had its way,
So the pony produced a huge dropping,
Which sat steaming in the hay,
Urgh!
Repeat chorus
Music by Adrian Parker / Paul
Mansfield
Lyrics by Adrian Parker
The corgies are restless tonight, and with good reason,
No single bloodline is superior to others,
You can't string me up or charge me with treason,
I've got no respect for queens or queen mothers.
You exist to prove the lie of the aristocracy,
Your home the epitome, a real fascist ideal,
But we're taking back the acres we gave you for free,
What you won't give, we'll simply steal.
The only queens in London tonight are in Old Compton Street,
Parading their very own crown jewels,
While you slouch in a bedsit on a Tottenham estate,
Trying hard to learn the commoners' rules.
Out in the countryside, a fox lifts its leg,
To squirt the wheels of a rusting Daimler,
That used to belong to the men dressed in red,
Whose world is no longer the same, yeah!
We're gonna take your head off all the new stamps and coins,
Or maybe we'll just take your head off!
Music by Adrian Parker / Paul Mansfield
Lyrics by Toaster Smith
Oh paper clip,
I saw you across the crowded office,
Shimmering in the sunlight,
Shiny and new,
Naked and unattached.
And on my desk,
There's paper everywhere,
Desperate for some sort of order,
The kind of order only a shiny paper clip can bring.
But alas,
You are not my paper clip,
You belong to a LOSER.
You are wasted, unused, abused, just hanging around.
I have to do something,
'Erm, Can I borrow your paperclip?'
'Yeah, sure'
FOOL! I HAVE THE SHINY PAPER CLIP!
It's all mine,
You will never see it's like again.
It slips so easily over my papers,
They are as one,
You are my paper clip,
You bring uniformity to my chaotic world.
Shine on you crazy paper clip,
This is planet earth.
(Doo doo doo de doo doo doo doo)
This is planet earth.
Music by Adrian Parker / Paul Mansfield
Lyrics by Toaster Smith / Adrian Parker
When I'm low and feeling down,
I get my spanners out to play,
I play with spanners all the day,
Yes, I said "spanners".
When I'm down and feeling low,
To the cheese shop I go,
To buy lots of cheese,
Yes, I said "cheese".
Chorus:
I can eat cheese, I can play with spanners,
I can eat spanners, I can play with cheese,
I can spanner cheese, I can cheesy spanner,
Come on everybody now, sing it with me.
What do you dream after eating cheese?
I dream of a purple cat called Please,
Paul likes Cheddar, Toaster likes Brie,
But Edam is the perfect cheese for me,
When I'm down and feeling low,
To the cheese shop I go,
To buy lots of cheese,
Yes, I said "cheese".
Repeat chorus
Music by Adrian Parker / Paul Mansfield
Lyrics by Toaster Smith / Adrian Parker
I had a job handing out the crisps on Venus,
This is a song about Venus.
Jesus Christ has nothing to lose,
But he is a little shy,
And that is why (that is why),
He lives on Venus,
And you don't see him about very often,
(Very often),
He has a telly,
So he knows what's going on.
Chorus 1:
Jesus Christ liked Hula Hoops,
The Lord God Almighty preferred Monster Munch,
And his holiness the Pope, he ate Quavers.
Venus is a planet,
And glistening is a word,
Can you blow bubbles on Venus?
Where do my Earth bubbles go?
And glistening is a word,
That people use a lot in poetry,
Venus is moist and glistening,
And I love you.
Repeat Chorus 1
Repeat Verse 1
Chorus 2:
Buddha was munching on Discos,
The Dalai Llama went for Pringles,
While Thor himself adores cheese and onion Ringos.
Repeat Chorus 1
Repeat Chorus 2
Music by Adrian Parker / Paul Mansfield
Lyrics by Adrian Parker / Toaster Smith
I used to know a girl,
She had a little hamster,
She used to let him run around,
To get some exercise.
Sometimes he went missing for hours,
Sometimes even days,
He could hide anywhere,
'Cos he was so small in size,
And one day this hamster wandered,
In the girl's front room,
He was attracted to electrical appliances,
By their lovely glow.
So he scurried across the carpet,
As fast as he could go,
And headed straight for,
The girl's father's new stereo.
Chorus:
Hamsters in stereo (woah woah woah)
Hamsters in stereo (woah woah woah)
Hamsters in stereo (woah woah woah)
Where did that hamster go?
He found some interesting cables,
And was peckish, he had to eat,
He had a few little nibbles,
And thought, "Mmmm... this tastes sweet!"
So he opened his big fat mouth,
And took a great bite,
But much to his surprise,
He turned into a ball of light.
There was a massive blast,
To be heard for miles around,
As everything went dark,
And the town's electric supply went down.
But Hammy was none the wiser,
Due to the fact that his head,
Had exploded into millions of pieces,
And all over the room had spread.
Repeat chorus
Where did that hamster go?
He went to hamster heaven!
Music by Adrian Parker and Paul Mansfield
Lyrics by Adrian Parker
He's the singer in a band called Then Jerico,
They were in the charts about 13 years ago,
When the ladies see him they stop and stare,
Very interested in his underwear.
When he's on stage he preens and he pouts,
He prances around and he screams and shouts,
He sings about politics and romance,
But the girls only care about Mark Shaw's pants.
What is in those pants that fascinates the birds?
The rest of the band might as well be nerds,
The front of the stage is a mass of female flesh,
Ladies come calling from Moscow to Marrakech.
Things would be different if I looked like Mark Shaw,
I would be a big hit with the girlies for sure,
Time ages most men 'till they look like elephants,
But even now the women drool over Mark Shaw's pants.
1987 at the Town And Country Club,
'88 The Dominion (still got the ticket stub),
1989 'twas the Hammersmith Apollo,
'89 again, at a park in Harlow,
Then the Highbury Garage in about '93,
The Bottom Line was next for Paul and me,
Rock Garden, Jazz Café and Poo Na Na,
Finally, The Borderline with Stella from the bar.
